Emotions.

*Disclaimer* I wanted to create this blog as an honest reflection of my thoughts, feelings and experiences of chasing my dream. This is a bit of a ramble and not everyone’s cup of tea. Feel free to read for an insight into my tired brain 🙂

It’s currently 3am and my boyfriend is fast asleep next to me.

I created my blog tonight because I experienced the first moment I started to realise that I am actually going to live in Florida for a year. I now have too many thoughts buzzing round my head and recording them here will hopefully help me sleep…

Sounds stupid, right? I found out in December and have had so many conversations with family, friends and colleagues about this amazing thing that has happened. Until this point, it hasn’t seemed all that real and I’ve been acting very casual about it, even when clicking the ‘I accept’ button, paying my programme fees and booking my ONE-WAY FLIGHT to Orlando. I’ve been dreaming of this for so long, it almost seems too good to be true, like it’s happening to someone else.

Although I can barely think of anything else (especially now I’m approaching my last half term of school), I’ve been purposefully trying not to think about the sad parts like saying goodbye to my family, boyfriend and friends. Anytime anyone brings it up in front of her, my best friend says “too soon!” and swiftly moves the conversation on. I think that’s also what I’ve been doing subconsciously.

Until tonight that is. Just as Matt and I are going to bed, I start thinking about it. First the exciting parts, then the sad parts start to trickle in but I can’t push them back to where I don’t think about them. I start imagining the goodbyes at the airport, the last hug then walking away through security. Not seeing Matt everyday. Not being able to have a cuddle whenever I want. Not being able to pop round to see family or friends. Knowing they are a lot of miles away.

Thankfully I am flying out with Elin, a friend I made from my first round of interviews, so I can’t be a blubbering mess for too long. It makes me feel so much better knowing I have a friendly face with me for the long journey and for when we reach our destination together.

I know it is going to be hard; this is the first time I’ve admitted to myself that I am terrified. However, the magic that awaits just beyond that will be completely worth it and that’s what I have to remember. Otherwise, I’d better prepare myself for more mini-breakdowns.

A year really isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things. In the words of the Mouse himself, it’s not goodbye, it’s “see ya real soon!”

x

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.